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Working With Shy Children

Here are some tips and tricks compiled from Care.com and caregivers on our team.

Don’t Force It & Maintain a Comfortable/Familiar Environment

Don’t force a child to engage when they aren’t ready. Saying something like “Come on, don’t be shy!” can actually push your kid the other way. Labelling a child as “shy” can make them feel like they’re doing something wrong–and this can make them even more timid, so do your best to avoid that terminology. Instead, create a comfortable environment that lets them develop their social skills naturally. For example, upon walking into a new home, ask that the parents spend a few moments (when able) to make the child feel comfortable. Shared introductions can go a long way. Bring out some of his/her favorite toys and start playing naturally, in a way they are used to. Let them ease into it.

Preparation is Key

While you can’t prepare the child since you’re note there, you should always use introduction calls to learn more about the child. If a parent mentions that their child can be shy, ask that they take some time to prepare the child for your arrival. If able, see if it would be okay to arrive a few moments early to give the child some time to adjust to you being there. Ask the parents for tips and tricks on what has worked in the past.

Approach the Child Slowly & On Their Level

When meeting a shy child, approach them slowly, when they are ready for you, and on their level. This means kneeling down so that your face is aligned with the height of theirs. Kids can feel more intimidated when you’re hovering over them. Show that you are friendly by smiling as you do and introducing yourself. Say your name and something about yourself they may be interested in based on what you already know about them. If they respond well, share more about yourself and ask them something about them. IF they ignore you, give them a few minutes to engage and just observe them and smile. If talking doesn’t work, try joining them in their activity. For example, if they are building something, build something else next to them  -without being too intrusive.

Bring on the Music

Music can get people feeling a bit more comfortable. While it’s not always a solution, it’s definitely worth a try. Ask the parent of the child what they like to listen to and try listening to the music together. Have a good time and show the child you’re excited to be there with him or her.

Pretend Your Shy & Ask the Toddler for Help

Kids often times can’t express how they feel, but they can understand emotions and support them through play. Try saying ” I’m feeling a little nervous to build this house because I’ve never done it before. Do you think there’s anyone here who can help me?” Then turn to a stuffed animal and ask him, then the toddler and ask him!